The fact that the entire domain name has been changed is proof positive that I have not been online in a while. What? its an okay name once you get past the sappy overtones, but I joined zaadz, so I will maintain that I am a zaadzter growing in the gaia community, rather than simply a member of "the ..." its not so much.... I love the purple, but grrr... Okay, but growl!!! I... purple... its a wonderful color, although I won't play favorits, okay I accept. yesterday was my wedding day, the bride and I havn't seen each other in about 6 months. she didn't attend the wedding, so I decided to upstand her, and mary myself. I am a fabulous lover, and I think that my life will be better because of this union. 2 8 2008, 2, the two of us 00, each of our individualitys, 8, tied together with no beginnings and no ends. It works in my marriage of my dualities. I can say with resolve, that my heart beats for me, My happyness and well being are inportant to me. I can have children with myself, metaphorically, and I do take care of Me in sickness and in health (me spends alot of time together) The only thing that seems unrewarding would be the prospect of divorce, but me've each commited ourself to periodic sepperate, and joint counseling sessions with Self. (although me are such vagabonds as to try to give the self advice on Our problembs, me all know that when soul and body leave... when I seperate, life from organic system, heap of viens muscles gray matter, and spark creativity resolve free will, everything will return to what it already is, we all are one, there is, at that level, the marriage between the existant and the non existant, the connected and the unconnected, but the hands of vision are still grocking in my head, I realized that I not only understand, I utalize blind faith, and devotion. I do have a blind faith in our ability to manifest miracles, It makes me think of blinding a hawk or a falcon. some areas do not need light, because they are overgrown and sickly from the digestion of others... I plant only the exotic, and the harmonious in my garden, no sod in my soul.

I can't believe its been this long since Ive blogged, who and what am I now?

Still falling far to deep in love, kym and I broke up... I've slept with another woman by now though, and she intregues me far too much, she's a free spirit, and so am I, so I don't know how well its going to work out... I am a puppy, and she doesnt' want to be leashed, or to hold my leash I guess.... I hope Im in love with the idea of her, because she can break me, god damn love, I refuse to wish I did n't feel it, but why do I always have to feel it so fucking strongly, zaadzters, I need to meditate, and fall in love with something intangible that can never be taken away from me. thats all.

I just leveled up again, I don't reallly know what level I want to say that I'm at, 23 or 17? well I could say whoa, definitions. my life is a role playing game where Im playing myself, leveling up, and occasionally questing for a thinggy or the jesus. I am an apostle of whosa whatsit, and a follower of followings. my where Is EVERy WHERe... always, whatever... here is the closest I can come to unedited free writing BEWARE: the end is hear and I know that you see fro9 frow nine" what the fuck" what is sht I don't know lets go se e as the easle, clock is slowed, tyime blown into a beautifle peace, as woar is once again deceaced, god, the3 entertainment of the Ideas of any and all for ms of love, its beAUTIFUL, ok, started paying attention, oops

well here it is , my art with my band, includeing nate thiel and bill fleming

choose John Lapides for American Propagandist, While others may color inside, or outside of the lines... John Lapides flips the paper over and draws his own picture on the back

The beggining is begging me to go off with really stupid hitches, so here be the announcement, all of the layers of the first eppisode of whatever it is I set out to do are completed, now I just have to figure out how to show them.

I went to a modeling session tonight at the same place that I modeled this morning, YEA??? it was pretty cool, the absolute vivaciousness of the model was amazing, and inspires me to start working out again. there are only a few obsessions that I have, hackie sack, devil sticks, creating, kymmie, and partakeing, I jest need to give up, / release, smokeing I should be bikeing to all of my sessions and back. Is that realistic? I would smell. I don't want to smell. but definantly back. I need to sell a thousand perfect bibles this summer. sometime soon the first discordian soup podcast will be up and comeing so many ideas, so much to do, must keep climbing to reach the state of the ultimate climber, and then grow some more, life is suffering, and all that jazz, so I don't know what to say, allan watts says that we are already it, I am already it, no amount of striveing, so I must keep flowing because I will, no stress, no future, no past, now.l.. everything. and work,,,,, and play, the same? hopefully.l create create create